Adult Time! Too lonely to Netflix And Chill? No worries, pal. I got something that will cheer you right up. Adult Time aka the Premium Adult Digital Entertainment Network won’t get you laid quite the same way as getting a woman drunk while showing her chick flicks, but they do have a metric fuck-ton of dirty movies to shake your dick at. You’re going to get off either way, right? You won’t even have to order the broad a pizza.
It’s Like the Netflix of Porn
You know what’s fucking weird? Nowhere on AdultTime’s landing page do they make a reference to the fact that they’re basically the Netflix of porn. Maybe it’s some kind of copyright thing, but I see other companies compare themselves to the streaming movie giant so I don’t know. What I do know is that AdultTime is totally the Netflix of porn.
So what does the landing page say, if not that? They tell you can enjoy thousands of movies, series, and exclusive channels. Channels? Oh, maybe that’s what sets them apart from Netflix, and really gives them the advantage here.
They claim to be The Only Subscription You’ll Need. That’s bold as hell, like the boasts and brags on every other porn site. The figures they’re citing look good, though. They’ve got over 100 channels, 50,000 episodes and at least 6 new releases a day. Channels include recognizable brands like Vivid, PureTaboo, BurningAngel and RoccoSiffredi.
They’ve got Exclusive Adult Time Orginal Series. Again, it just screams Netflix of Porn. The landing-page teases include a bunch of ‘80s broads in spandex and leg warmers, and a sci-fi sex show called Future Darkly.
At the bottom of the page is a big blurb explaining What Is Adult Time. They dance around the fact some more, but goddammit, what they’re describing is Netflix, only full of uncensored adult TV shows, movies, and series.
The site has been mentioned in places like The Washington Post, Forbes and Rolling Stone, but who really cares? So was the fucking Segway. I’m more interested in this trial they’re offering, just like another site whose name rhymes with Wet Chicks. (Unlike Netflix’s freebie month, it turns out AdultTime’s trial is only 3 days and costs 3 bucks.)
A Familiar Layout, But Full of Sex
Once you get logged in, the main page of AdultTime looks really familiar. I swear I’ve seen this exact layout before, only it was full of non-pornographic movies and shows. There are rows of Latest Adult Time Updates and Recommended Scenes just for me, everything on top of a clean black background. The latest one, posted today, is a girl-on-girl taboo scene that I am already downloading, courtesy of the convenient button built into the thumbnail.
The familiarity is comfortable. It’s just the sex-fueled version of something you’re already used to. The movie posters sliding across the top of the screen look a hell of a lot more appealing than the Bird Box, even if the women aren’t blindfolded. Not all of them, anyway.